Whenever I did compose a piece of writing, it has never been like, me deciding on a particular topic and then penning down my thoughts on it. However every time I felt like opening my notepad ,there has always been some unfiltered ideas or rather blurred series of thoughts ,I myself had no clear picture about patrolling in my head .Obvious as it is ,this is one such draft .A peek into my journal...
Today what instigated the writer in me , is a very unruly emotion and is the most unlikeliest of the motivations I have got and I promise I’m not bragging to be the saint that I’m not ,while I say jealousy had never ever been a reason why I scribbled down any of my articles yet.
Welcome to my day of jealousy …..
Today was one of the very
few lucky days, that I got up on my own early, not to mention it was an
exam day. I did pretty well, thanks to my grade 11 class teacher Aneesh
sir, he taught me well. Had it not been for his classes my
environmental studies paper would have turned out pretty much blank.
Completing my pre-university education had been quite some war .
One of
the most common trends in Indian society as it is , for how lucky had I
been to have scored pretty decent scores in grade 10th in science and
math aided by my helpless indecisiveness put me through two years of
sleepless nights with chemistry, biology, mathematics and physics . When I said yes to choosing science stream after my 10th ,hardly did I know I vowed to being yet another victim of this monotonous pattern of life ,drawn decades past ,that every kid of my age had to believe was their preset destiny. Somewhere in between literature classes seemed to the only ones, that
gave me a break out of all those. Fatigue of the tiresome training for
two years made me realize, how much I craved for my literature and
social studies classes. No offense! to the science lovers out there, it
is just not my cup of tea. Now that I’m doing my bachelors in journalism
and psychology ,the one thing I promised myself was a life with no
regrets .Yet again, it’s funny how the girl next door working day in and
day out reading her medical studies references make me feel uneasy
about my decision. As a result of which here I’m doing research on
jealousy when wiki says to me this: ‘Jealousy is an emotion; the term generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and envy over relative lack of possessions, status or something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a competitor’Yes! It is an emotion purely driven out of insecurities that anyone could feel about themselves. By the end of the day ,I am a human being after all , not that I’m pleased to the peak of my bliss to have felt it ,but I’m glad I could acknowledge it to my best and I’m over it for now and I can strongly argue that I’m the least bit ashamed about it cause I did find out ,these kind of vague emotions which can be strong motivation to do something good or terribly bad ,they can also be an opportunity for introspection , to look back to check how far we have come .
P.S. Thank you ; for taking out the bit of time, to take a look at it .
